Sometimes, I cannot believe it has been a month since mom took her final breath. It feels just like yesterday when I received the news in the middle of the night. Grief is a weird thing. Sometimes it feels like everything is going to be okay, then other moments there is nothing but doom and gloom. It literally hits you like a wave! Very similar to anxiety/depression. During the time period when mom was alive and living with cancer, it felt like we were in a constant state of mourning. Mainly, because her mental state was not what it used to be. So that in itself was a type of loss. Now, it is knowing she will not physically be a part of anything that happens in our daily lives anymore. A true example of that would be the emergency surgery I had, only a week after the funeral. Long story short, ended up at the ER because of excruciating pains and found out it was an appendicitis! The doctor told me surgery was pretty much my only option, so it would not rupture someday. It was scary to think of going under the knife, but even worse knowing my mom would not be present through everything.
Not long after mom’s passing. I started reading a book called The Christian’s Journey Through Grief. It is more of a guidebook than anything on how to cope in healthy ways. The book so far has definitely put a lot in perspective. Like how everyone has their own journey through grief, oddly how Hope and Grief coincide, and at some point all of us have or will experience grief. Unfortunately, losing someone we love is an inevitable part of life. We do not move on, we simply learn to adjust to a life without them.
I came across this poem the other day. It kind of helped me and hopefully it can help anyone else missing a loved one this holiday season.