Beautiful Breakdown

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I think about all the times I used to cry over bullshit (no other way to word it, sorry) before my mom’s death. At the time those things seemed worth crying over, but now it is all irrelevant. From the time of her diagnosis nearly two years ago to present, crying just seems to be a constant in my life. When she was sick there were many moments I actually held back the tears. Mainly, because I wanted to be strong for my family. I felt crying in certain situations (MD Anderson appointments) would only make things worse. So waiting until I had time alone seemed appropriate then. But now looking back on everything I feel it did more harm than good. Only because crying is a form of stress relief. During those tough times it may not seem like it, but sometimes we all need a good cry to get through. It is okay to feel vulnerable and show those raw emotions. I used to think crying was a form of weakness, but now view it as courageous. Especially in grief, it is a reminder of great love.

Over Valentine’s day weekend I went to my mom’s grave. It was the first time I had been there since the funeral. She has been gone three months now and the pain is still unbearable. Some days if I am being honest, it is hard to keep the faith and get through the day. Lately, I have been feeling this strong disconnect from people. Which I think is normal after losing somone, because not everyone can relate. I came across this article below that helped put some perspective on my emotions with others during this period of my life. I thought it was worth sharing.